While women’s rights and equality have made tremendous strides across all areas of English society over recent decades, there is still progress to be made. This is a sentiment I share many of my fellow female colleagues share, though we would never mention it in the presence of women from, say, my mother’s generation who had to deal with outright and blatant misogyny in the workplace and at home. Still, that does not mean we need to give up on our efforts to correct the imbalances and injustices we experience, so as to make this better for our daughters.
My latest uncomfortable encounter with a male colleague took place during a meeting with a PR firm representing one of my clients. The client thought we should meet and make sure we are all on the same page regarding some changes they were making. Everything was moving along swimmingly until the senior partner of their firm asked for a brief recess to make a personal call outside and have a smoke. I told him that I needed a smoking break as well and would meet him downstairs.
It just so happens that I’ve cut down my cigarette intake by 50%, down to half a pack per day. This is part of a program I have been following for quitting smoking. It’s going well so far, and I expect to fully switch to my preferred brand of vape pens within a couple of months, and ultimately completely quit all nicotine products a couple of months after that.
Back to the story, when the gentleman joined me outside, we made some light conversation and I told him I was in the process of giving up cigarettes. He politely congratulated me for starting the process and then went on about how successful women always feel like they need to prove that they are more masculine and aggressive than their male counterparts so that they earn their respect. He said he could “see right through” female executives who smoked, drank alcohol, and used foul language. I abruptly ended the conversation there so that he would know I was displeased, but decided not to confront his absurdity out of respect for my client.
Instead, I chose to write about it here, hoping that some like-minded men would read this and internalize the message; women don’t like to be stigmatized any more than men do. I am a director at a 100-person recruiting firm, and I rarely drink alcohol and never use foul language in the workplace. I have been smoking since university, not because I wanted to appear aggressive, but because my study partners all smoked and it was just something we did when taking breaks while studying for exams. I do not need to prove to anyone my worth to anyone. I succeed because I work my tail off, not because I am trying to put on a show for my male colleagues.
I admit, we have made a lot of progress around women’s issues in the workplace, seems there are just some people that yet to catch on.
